She has always been like this when she’s sad, like she wants to be pressed to me but also distant, next to me & far away from me at the same time. Like she is practicing being gone. And I don’t really get it, how she can turn from me when she’s at her most miserable, times when all I want to do is hold her & never let go. It’s like the sadness pushes me, pulls her. And her pulling away makes things worse, way worse, for me, but I can’t ever tell her that, because then she’s even more sad, for hurting me. Too many layers of hurt, & it starts to suffocate us both.